Chapter 3 Just a Rag Doll Baby.

The women next door finally got a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong there were all kinda of guys in and out of their house, but she was in love with this guy. I think he probably beat her up at least 7 or 8 times. She would come over and tell how he bounced her head off the concrete drive way and all other kind of shit.

One night I was sitting in my chair at home went all kind of lights started going. I looked out the window and there were three police cars, one county and two city cars along with the volunteer fire dept and an ambulance. Holy Shit What's happen now. He had beater her up so bad that, she had to be cared out on a stretcher. I had to explain to the cop what the boyfriend looked like and where he might be. They never found him, but she eventually went back to him. He didn't like me and my wife at all. He also had to go to court over the whole thing and told the Judge that he was going to kill her and my wife. He a psycho case! He finally went to jail for awhile thank God, but I believe he was too scared of my wife to do anything. After all that shit he ended up going to Iraq to fight, and he burn all of her pictures of her kids and wedding picture and video tapes too. It stunk up the whole neighborhood.
Sometime after that she was talking to my wife and neighbor down that road. He happen work for the Sheriff Dept. They were out there talking about this that and another. Somehow the conversation got around to tattoo's. She said I've got one right over my pussy. Pull her pants down and show the tattoo and just above the slit was written TEASURE CHEST!!!!! O my God!!! I wish I had been there or may be not. She said that she had started dancing at a club somewhere. The neighbor looked at my wife and said I'm glad you're here this could look really bad.
Another time two of my friends came over and we were frying up some fish and she came right over and started talking to them, and he tongue was hanging out of her mouth. She kept talking to them and I kept my distance cause I didn't want in on the conversation. She told them they need to come over to her house and have a little "party". I had already warned my friends about her, but they might still have hit it given half a chance.
I know this is a little disfragmented story, but o well now people will stop bugging me about writing it.

One day I was drinking a beer out in my yard and I notice she was out in her yard. At first I looked and then looked again. MY Stripper Neighbor is out in her yard NAKED!! After getting a good look she only had on a micro micro Bikini. Just two silver dollars up top and a thong only covering her slit for bottoms. She was laying out on her front drive way with her 9 year old son. And she wonders why people were staring at her. The daughters were in and out rehab, jail, and everything else. They eventually left and the last time I heard she had gotten even skinner and o'well. She gone. Thank God!!!!

Chapter 2 Kids run Amuck

Chapter 2 Kids run amuck

Well my Stripper Neighbor is living across the street now. Everything seems alright and at this point I don't know what she does for a living. By the way the Children are F17, F15, F14, and M9. The kids get home from school and usually no one is there. I have no idea where the mother is we usually don't see her till morning or early afternoon, so the kids can do what ever they want.

One day after getting home from work one day, I saw the boy and one of his friends playing on the roof. Some how they climb the tree and made it up there. Of course I had to go over and yell at them to get down. They didn't listen at first, but then they finally made it down. No one was there to supervise them. We soon realized that the mother was never at home a lot of times after school. Every time they need to use the phone they would come over to my house to call their mom or friends to come and pick them up. After a time or to they started tell us about their life and what they had been through and there mother treated them like shit. The mother would talk down to them and other stuff.

Well after a while the other teenage boys from school found out where they lived and all hours of the night there were cars driving up and down the road. Racing, squealing tires and just loud. The mother was not home too much, but when she was she didn't care that much, if there were a lot of people in her yard or not. Then one she came over to our house telling us what kinda trouble she caught one of her girls in. She told us that her 15 year old was giving guys blow jobs at the back of her house and having sex with in the car!! Like I said her kids would come over all the time my wife would try her hardest to lead them down the right path, but o'well.

One day my wife got a call from DHR asking all kinda question. One question was "do you know, if the mother is prostituting out the daughters". My wife at the time said no I don't think so, but later on the mother would have parties and kinda hint around to the daughter to be nice to the men. Not sure what went on there. That's what one of the daughter said. Eventually the oldest daughter got pregnant! And by the way the whole time their here, their always taking pills tripping, or getting high one way or another. Still every time, I talk to her its like she hinting around to just come over and fuck me!! Got to stay away!!!! As my friend Mitch says "if goods are easy then the odds are the goods are bad."

Ok Micah here it goes.
By the way this story could get a little graphic, so this gets a **** rate by Micah’s standards

My Stripper Neighbor

CHAPTER 1 1st Impressions

There is a house that is across the street from me. It is a rental house and it has been since it burned down 15 years ago. Many a renters have come and gone over the years, and I have some stories about them too, but this one takes the cake. I guess it’s been 2 years now since they moved THANK GOD!!! I love the renters now they are very sain and keep the house in good condition. And they don’t bother me.
As I was saying about two years ago this lady (scratch that) this WHORE, ya that sounds better, moved end. From a distance she LOOKS FUCKIN HOT as I said from a DISTANCE, so I’m like alright this is going to be great. Hot looking chick across the street. The first time she ever said anything to me, she was yelling. I had a red mustang at this time and well, ya have to let the ponies out every now and then, you just can’t help it. I was speeding down the end of my road (I live on a dead end street read the other BLOGS) and when I whipped into my drive way and got out of my car, she start yelling at me. Tells me, that I needed to slow down because she’s got kids and blah, blah, blah. I’m thinking I’ve lived at this spot for 35 years I don’t need somebody that only been here a week telling ME what to do. This event is Ironic in so many ways; because of where I work I can not go into any more details.
Anyway the school bus comes by one day a lets off three kids, two girls and a younger boy. The girls are good looking too, but there too young so I feel guilty about looking. Days go by my wife and finally meet her one day out in our yard. Will this is the first time I’ve met her face to face. She apologizes for yelling at me and thought I was some boy or something. I could tell at some point she was a very beautiful girl, but now her face was shrunken in and a little too skinny, not quiet bad skinny, but skinny. She was not nearly as sexy as I had pictured. I could tell right away that there wasn’t too may rocks in her head. I could tell she was giving me the once over, like you ever want to come over and fuck look, and my wife is standing right there too!!!! My wife doesn’t miss much either, she knew what was going on. My wife told me to stay away from her! Which just by talking to her she was nothing but trouble!!! It almost look as if she had be doing METH. One of the most profound statements she said (my Neighbor), she thought my wife and I were just roommates. Well we ended our conversation and went back to ours house, It all goes down hill from here boys and girls.

I’ve got ask my wife about all the details on this I can’t remember everything except the BJ’s and Tattoo above the Pussy.

How the Redcross tried to kill me!!!!

How the Redcross tried to kill me.
O.K. It was the year 2001, I'm working at the Housing Authority as a HVAC Tech. I've got a BS in Accounting from UNA and I'm working on heating and air conditioning equipment then. I'm a housing Inspector now much easier. Anyway it was just after the 911 attacks and everyone was giving blood.
My co-worked was going to give blood that day and asked if I would too. I'm kinda scared of people taking blood out of me and I had never given blood before. I thought well the least I could do was give blood for my country, so after work we head over to the redcross to give blood.
We final get back there after all the paperwork is done. He and I get stuck at the same time and the blood is flowing in the bag and I'm squezing on the little ball. Everything is going fine, I thought, until I start feeling woosey. I new I was gonna past out, so I told the nurse I didn't feel good and was going to past out!!! She did not seemed concered at all. Then I past the fuck out!!!
O.K. I had not eaten anything since lunch, so I think my blood sugar was low to began with. I've past out a couple of times before and it wasn't that bad, but a little scary. This time was different!! It felt like I was watching TV and the Channels kept changing so fast on different parts of my life and it wouldn't stop. I"M GOONA DIE!!!! Finnally it stopped and I woke up with two nurses aking me if I was ok. I was sweating like a pig and my stomach was flipping like crazy and then I threw-up on the foor two or three times. I feel like I had just escaped death and I need to go to the hospital!!!!
Even as bad as everything was. Suddenly realized, WHAT THE HELL THERE STILL PUMPING BLOOD OUTTA MY ARM!!!!! Damn these people really want my blood. And of course at this point since my blood sugar is low already. I past THE FUCK OUT AGAIN!!!!!! The whole time I can hear my friend that got me to go, laughing his ass off in the background!!!!
I wake up once again still throwing up and sweating as they are taking the needle out I filled the bag up finnally. They didn't seem to think it was a big deal. I am totally freaking sick, It feels like theres whole in my stomach and I'm still throwing up every 5 min. My friend is still laughing hard.
My co-worker has to take me home cause there is no way I can drive at all. We get in his truck and I'm hanging my head out the window. Then He says "I hate to do this to you, but my wife needs me to pick up a bucket of KFC at the drive threw." O hell Greasy chickin smell. The whole time I'm throwing up out the passenger side window at every breath of greasy chickin. I get home and my wife say I told you not to go, THATS WHAT I NEED NOW someone nagging on me.
It took me three days to get back to normal, and still every 3 months the Redcross calls me to give blood and I always tell them ya'll tried to kill me.

Chapter 5 poltergeist

Chapter 5 Poltergeist

Well my story is coming to an end now. There is this one last chapter, until other things happen and I'm sure there will be. Anyway my house is very old built in the 1920's, like I said it's old.
My floor in the bathroom was getting weak and I had been putting it off. So about a month ago Mitch invited me to a party at Hazzard County, I like parties especially when there is beer involved 4 kegs. Well Mitch and I went to the party. Had a grand time and listen to some great music and meet a lot of people. Well I was the DD for the evening, so I stay sober enough to drive home. I'm sorry Mitch, but I got to tell the whole story. It's still funny as hell.
Anyway we get to my house at about 3 a.m. Mitch is very hungry and drunk, so we were in the kitchen. I said "you stay right there and don't move and I'll fix you some sausage and biscuits". I'm fixin the breakfast and he's looking for anything to eat, and I notice he was eaten something. Then Mitch said "are these cookies old? They taste stale." He had already eaten 2 or 3 of them. I looked up at him and realized what was happening. I said "No, Mitch those are not cookies. THERE DOG BISCUITS!!" He's gonna kill me for telling that, but o well I could have told something far worst.
Anyway at one point in the night he stepped through the floor in my bathroom, so this meant for sure that I had to refloor the bathroom. I took off work the next Tuesday to refloor my bathroom. This is a major task. I had ripped up the floor and it was about 2:30ish and I'm standing on the ground half way in and out of the bathroom. I'm hot and sweaty and pissed off a little. Then a lady came to the door with a spray bottle in one hand. She is about 5'2" and has a short lesbian hair style and looks to be about 45 or near there. So my wife goes the door and talks to the lady out on the porch. I'm still working away, but watch to see what is going on. I don't even recognize this lady maybe she trying to sell something.
My wife talks to her for about 30 mins. And then my wife comes back in.
I ask "Who was that." She told me that is was one of the daughters from next door. I said "It was. She doesn't even look the same. What in the world were ya'll talking about?" But did I really won't to know?
Ok some more background info. Before we go any further . Like I mention before my Grandmother and Granddaddy built the house next door, and lived in it for 30 years. At one point my Great-grandmother stayed with them a while, then my two cousins lived with them for a while after my great-grandmother left.
Ok, I not sure whether I believe in ghost, but as many stories as I have heard in my life somethings got to be going on. I've never seen or heard a ghost or anything like that. My wife believes in them and, so does my cousins now.
My cousin was sleeping one night at my granddads house. During the night he heard whistling, woke up and a man was standing at the foot of his bed and then he disappeared and showed up in my other cousins room. She assumed that is was the ghost of my Great-Granddad. She told the ghost that his wife was no longer staying here and then it disappeared. She never saw it again the whole time she stayed there.
My granddad use to sing and whistle all the time when he was alive. He use to play on the radio. He could play the guitar and harmonica at the same time in his youth. He loved music. My granddad has been dead now for at least 7 years. Every once in a while my wife says she still hears him whistle around the yard. My nephews one day came down to my yard and both of them said when they past by my granddads house they heard whistling. There only 9 and 7 years old at the time. Even my dad he thought he heard whistling one day too. My dad does not believe in ghost at all.
Back to the story at hand. My wife has just got threw talking to one of the daughters next door. The daughter told my wife that they are hearing a man whistling while walking down the hallway and going into the back bathroom. The chills are going down my back now. She said that this happens quite a bit. I'm thinking alright my granddads haunting them! She also said that there is green slime in kitchen and every time they go to clean it up it disappears. She thinks that it is from a poltergeist and it's FREAKING ECTOPLASM!!!!! Somebody call Ghostbusters! I'm thinking yeah it's my grandmother haunting them because her house is so dirty now. She kept a very clean house! Then she said that green slime was coming up into the toilet bowl and that every once in a while a fish would pop up!!!!! OOO MY GOD!!!!!THIS BITCH IS CRAZY!!!!!!! She then said that her sister keeps seeing (OK I NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP PEOPLE, I'M NOT, ITS REAL) in the backyard U.F.O.s!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The daughter also said that they were getting scabs on their arms and the whole time she talked to my wife she was spraying Fabrez on her arms. They said that they were going to move out for 2 weeks and see if it got better. O well they move for two weeks and now there back, don't know what's going on now, but I'm sure something else will happen sooner or later.
I might tell ya about My Stripper Neighbor that was hooked on Meth that live across the street from me she also had 2 teenage daughters!! They were giving BJ's behind the house!!

Chapter 4 The DEA Man

Chapter 4 The Dea Man

Ok so it’s the next evening about 6:30 pm, I’m sitting in the living room, playing on the computer. Then my wife says someone at the door. NOT AGAIN!!! I’m getting really tried of this and It’s got nothing to do with me!!!!! I go the door and am meet by the guy I talked to last night and with him was a guy wearing a DEA JACKET. First off the DEA jacket scares the hell out of me. Does he have a dog what’s going on here? The only thing they might find is a few roaches from years gone by, but HELL!!!
The in the DEA jacket says that he’s the HNC. An he start laughing. The other The one all in black said Ya he’s the HNC. Ok I’ve heard most every redneck phrase there is, this is not ringing a bell at all and I’m southern to the bone baby at least 6 generations in Alabama alone. I ask what does that mean? He says Head Ni---- in Charge and laughed again. I didn’t think it was funny at all, and yes I grew up in the 70’s and we’ve all used that word in one form or another, but I’ve learned better. And that’s what life is all about meeting people and learning from them, whither it be good or bad In life you need the whole picture not just parts you like. Anyway I’ll quit the sermon.
Back to my story. The DEA man said he was the Boss of the rest of the Bounty Hunters. Alright he’s not DEA, he just an arrogant son of a bitch. He says he’s the head honcho and was following up on what I had talked about last night. He show me the picture again and I tell the same information from last night. He then holds the picture up of the fugitive next to my face and says I could pass for him. You know what he ain’t half wrong either, except a lot more handsome. I laugh and he laughed, but I knew he had come out here just to make sure I wasn’t him.
He went on and on about his authority and what he could do and what he couldn’t do, which I already knew. When your wife has a criminal justice degree and is a CSI junkie long before the TV show came on I know quite a bit. He said he had talked to my 70 year old neighbor and she said the last time she had heard of the fugitives where abouts, he was in Atlanta or Colorado. The Head Bounty Hunter said that there was junk all over the house and the dog was shitting in the floor. All they did with the shit was cover it up with carpet fresh and just leave it there. SICK. He believed that they were selling pills out of the house or at least the daughters were getting them and selling or taking the pills. I’ve hear a list of what the lady and her deceased husband were taking. One of the grandkids used to come over and he would have all kinda pills he would steal from them.
Anyway I’m out there talking to him for about 45 min. He finally figured out I was not some dumb redneck. He told me about his life and that his wife had left him for another Woman, the only thing he said was he was upset that they didn’t let him join in. During this time my cousin was over at my house. He was talking to a friend of his which happened to be a girl. Me and my wife were curious of what she looked like. He told her to stop by an vist a while.
Well, while I’m talking to the Head Bounty Hunter, she comes pulling up. She walks up the porch steps. Then she and the Head Bounty Hunter connect eyes and she says “are you gonna take me in tonight”? Jokingly. She informed him that she was a manager at a local gas station. They talk a little like they knew each other well. She went on inside my house with my cousin.
At this point the Bounty Hunter asks if she has ever been over here before and do I know her. Of course I’ve never seen her before in my life. He then looks me in the eye and says we need to have a talk and pulls me over to the side. OOO MY GODD WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LIFE!!!!!!!! I was thinking to myself. He start talking softer and says that he knows her, that her and her ex-husband and He and his ex-wife used to be friends. He said “I’ve gotta stack of paper work on her right now about 3 inch thick, and if I had had it tonight I would be taking her in.” He said she stole people identities and had run up $20,000 dollars on someone and for me and my cousin to be careful. He told me a lot more about her, that I won’t go into, but I got the funny feeling he had fucked her.(I was Right too. Come to find out later.) Finnally the Bounty Hunter and I ended our hour convo and THEY FINNALLY LEFT!!!!!!!!! ALRIGHT!!!!!!....................................Ok NOW I GOTTA GET RID OF THE CRAZY BITCH THAT SITTING ON MY COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRHHHGGGGGG!!!!!
I go back in and listen to her talk a little bit, she leaves to go get some party favors so she can stay up for 2 days and then go back to work. I tell my cousin whats went down and he make up a story so she don’t comeback. THANK GOD!!!!! I DO NOT NEED THIS STUFF IN MY LIFE. I’m too damn old for it now.
Anyway the next night which is Friday Me and My wife are sitting there waiting and watching for someone to show up and thank god they don’t its 9:00 pm. WE CAN GET OUR DRINK ON NOW!!!!

Chapter 5 There Here!!!!!! Poltergeist Stephen Spielberg’s got nothing on my neighbors!!!!!

Chapter 3 My life in HELL!!!

The cops came by Tuesday like I said. So the next night about the same time 6:30 ish I’m up cooking in the kitchen. I like to cook I don’t like to clean it up, so I don’t cook too much. I standing there thinking about what I’m fixin to eat, when my wife say I think someone is in our yard. I go over to the door look out and some people with flash lights looking in a car in the driveway next door. I said “it’s just the neighbors looking for something”. I went back to cooking. Then my wife says there is someone coming to the door. I thought somebody’s trying to sell something. I’ll go see. As I get to the door this skinny tall guy about mid to late forties dressed in black jeans and black shirt with a black jacket on, he’s gotta theme going on here, but I also notice the badge on his hip and a black jack on his belt!! After saying hello. He says he working with the Florence Police Dept. and holds up a flier and asks have you seen this man.
At this point I’m thinking to myself DAMIT!!! COPS!!! Again. I also notice another man is with him. He is dressed in plain clothes, or I should say he looks like a painter. I can usually tell when someone’s a painter or so called painter. It has to do with painting and not wearing a mask. Anyway I looked at the flyer. He did not look familiar at first, let my wife Teresa look at it and she remembered him. Then she refreshed my memory. I do know this guy. He used to LIVE NEXT DOOR!!!
About 6 months prior to seeing this flyer, there was this guy that live next door with one of the sisters. One of the boyfriends I guess. I had seen him around there house trying to get some of the cars cranked around there yard. He had also talked to my Mother who lives two doors down. He told her that he had just gotten back from Iraq and was waiting on his disability, some kinda hold up on it or something on. He told her, he was trying to fix up one of their cars because he didn’t have one. He also said he would paint my house for $200. And when my mom was telling me this I told my Mom he is a crook. First off, if he was in Iraq he was getting tax free money for fighting, so he should have plenty of cash to buy a least a $1000 car. And he is smoking crack if he’s gonna paint my house for $200.00 NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! My house is small, but it’s all paint.
After talking to the men on my porch I realize they are NOT COPS at all. Something far worse BOUNTY HUNTERS. Bounty Hunters have a lot more rights about what they can do than cops. Well I’ve told him everything I know and he’s happy. The guy in question had skipped bond and they were looking for him. He said he had tried to get someone next door, but no one answered. We shook hands and said bye, seemed like a nice enough fellow.
I go back to cooking. This took all in all about 30 min. Well about 15 min. later, my wife says the lady next door is trying to get up the steps. I’m never going to eat tonight. ARRGGGGHHHH!!!! Ok my neighbor who is let’s say 70ish she has had lung cancer, she can’t hardly breath(she uses oxygen), had a bad car wreck about a month ago and is in general very bad health. So, I go outside and help her up onto my porch and in to the house. She says that she will pay me $10, if I’ll go and get her medicine at the pharmacy at foodworld which is all the way into town and it’s already 7:30 pm. I said no I’ll go get your medicine don’t pay me.
OK where are her grown daughters and why am I having to do this???
I call the Pharmacist to see if I could actually do this and to my surprise he said yes, so off I go. They fill the prescription and I ask what is this….. just being noisy. He said what is was and I said what is that? He said its diet pills. DIET PILLS!!!!!! I thought to myself. I came all the way out here for diet pills? I thought she needed something important. DAMIT!!!!
Anyway, I took the medicine back to her house, the one with the cluttered carport. I still did not take any money, so she said there was a pizza in her car and for me to take it. Just to get the whole ordeal over with I said OK. I go to her car and there are sacks of groceries in the car from the same store I just when to. WHAT????? And in one of the sacks is a frozen Digorno’s Pizza the good one. I took it home!!! Then when I go home I thought, you know she can’t drive, so how long has that pizza be out there? Well it just pizza and it was good. I told my wife I bet the FBI will come Tomorrow. She didn’t think that it was funny.

Chapter 4 The Dea Guy!!

Chapter Two The Cops Commeth

Chapter Two:

Ok where was I. So my neighbors have been living there about 6 years and the house looks bad. Well the rest of the story. About a month ago, I was sitting in my chair in the living room on a Tuesday night. By the way I live on a dead end street, but it does have a dirt road leading to the highway. So not a lot of traffic, we notice when car come by. I’m sitting there watching a hockey game on the tube, when my wife says “I think some one is here.” So I look out the front door while still in my chair and notice car parking lights about 40 yards away parked at my mailbox. I realized then O Shit it’s the cops!!!!! So, I immediately get up and go to the door and get on my porch to talk to the officer.
If you ever have the cops come to your house, always meet them on your porch. My wife and friends have all graduated with criminal justice degrees and I have a lot of cops I know. Your porch is consided you curtilage, don’t go in the yard. Anyway. Once on the porch I notice one officer is coming straight at me and another has parked his car in my driveway, and coming toward the other side of the porch. They look like they are gonna arrest somebody. HOLLY SHITTTT!!!! I know I haven’t done a thing!!!! By the way these are Sheriff Deputies. The one coming at me yells “3995”. I thought he’s talking to dispatch about something. Then he yells it again “3995 . HOLLY SHIT HE TALKING TO ME!!!!!
I’m thinking in my head 3995 what does this mean. And I search again in my head. I don’t even have one clue!!!! It’s like some kinda code I guess. So to be helpful to the officers I say “May I help you”? I thought it was the only proper thing to say, since I did not understand their numbering system. At which point both officers grab for their GUNS!!!!!
I’M GONNA DIE!!!! This is also the county where you can shoot a man in the back and its self defense. Go figure it is the Deep South, Buford Pusser was a legend.
Luckily at this point the officer say “is this 3995”! OOOO I see now 3995 is and address. Two little words can make a big difference. I told the officers NO this is 4001. So I directed where I thought 3995 was, and they lit outta my yard like they were Roscco P. Coltrane.
I wasn’t gonna drink that night, but hell I gotta have a 6 pack.

OK so this had nothing to do with my neighbors, but it leads to the rest of the story!!! And state of mind.

MORE TO COME.

Good Friends, Good Eats, Good Drinks, And Good Times!!!! THANKS HEATHER!!!!

Chapter 1 My granddad's house

My neighbors are crazy and my granddad is haunting them. My little crazy story that true! First some background information is needed.
My granddad bought about10 acres of land back in the 50’s and move a house on it. This is the house I live in today. He built several houses around these ten acres and sold some off. When he died he lived next door to me and my Mom and Dad lived on the other side of him where I grew up. I didn’t move far from home, just two doors down.
After my granddad died, they were forced to sell the house. An older couple moved in and they both had lung cancer. I’m like well they ain’t gonna be living long. They seemed pretty good, they kept the yard and carport a little messy, but it wasn’t bad.
They also had daughters that came over all the time with there kids. The daughters never really seem to help the Mother and Dad that much, besides my mom and wife cut their grass all the time, because they couldn’t or wouldn’t cut it.
After time went by two of the daughters started living with them. That’s when stuff started pilling up. Today there are 6 cars and trucks that do not work sitting in the yard. Mattress and other shit just laying in the yard or around the outside of the house. The carport is so cluttered it is shoulder high full of junk, only one path going to the side door. One time I went inside a lord have mercy junk everywhere. There were only paths to go by. My granddad and grandmother are rolling in their graves!!